The Power of Past

I've seen in movies,  I've seen among my friends.  Most people believe they've had a difficult childhood.  Some keep it a secret,  so no one would use it to hurt them.  Some share it with the intent to earn sympathy and some just share it because they don't see the point in trying hard to maintain it a secret. And I've always wondered why our own past should be our enemy.

Trauma or not,  our past has what made us what we are now.  No one comes out weaker after walking through a difficult time in life.  Any terrible thing that has happened to us, is in fact, our strength, and we cannot let anyone else think they can use it as a weapon against us.  Nor it should be something that will earn us sympathy.  When we have fought and won something,  that should only earn us respect,  though that should just be an unconscious by-product.

Our fights and victories,  they have already served their purpose,  they have made us better.  Now, they do not have the power to hurt us,  neither can they earn us the sympathy of others.

Only when we stop giving power to past will we start living in the present.

A Reason To Smile

Diwali is just days away and I'm reminded of this, story that I have to share with all.
It was six years back,  around the same time and diwali was getting closer.  My dad and I were standing near the Periyar bus stand in Madurai.  Close by there was a lady and her (about) five year old son.
People walked around with bags of crackers and new clothes in their hand.  The boy kept looking at them and started pestering his mother to buy him a new dress.  She couldn't afford one and she brushed him off.
The boy,  yearning to have a reason to smile that diwali,  but with no means, teared up.
My dad,  who was watching this,  went to a small clothes shop opposite,  pointed the boy to the owner and paid for the dress and asked him to give it to boy. 
The boy was elated to suddenly  have a stranger give him a new dress. The mom felt happy,  to see her son smile.
My dad almost teared up at the sight and the shop owner expressed how happy this made him feel and not because of the sale he had just made.
The joy that I felt, just looking at this scene,  is immense and I could still feel it as I'm typing. 
Though I don't believe in charity,  donating our old clothes,  instead of just throwing them out, makes more sense, and is only humane!
Let us all begin the celebrations by putting smile on the face of atleast one other person.

An Ode To Fashion

People say fashion is shallow. And some tell they are not interested in their looks at all.  I dont know what such people are trying to prove.  That he/she are a saint? That somehow it makes her very smart?!
Internal beauty and external beauty both are equally important since both are "you" . Sure more credits are given to looks.  While that is not correct, it is very short lived too.  At the end what you are inside comes into play too.  We all want both to matter,equally, from the start. Yeah sure.  But saying I'm only concerned about my internal beauty is false. Inherently everyone wants to look good.  The degree to which they feel this is different,  the efforts they put on it may vary.  But no one,  wants to look bad. 

Intellect,  looks both are a part of you.  And to say I don't need one thing or the other doesn't really make sense to me.

Fashion needn't be associated with just runway models. Fashion gives you so much freedom.  You can express yourself freely,  whatever you are and that's fashion even if it doesn't match the "trend".  If you are at a shop and deciding which colour shirt to buy,  then that's a fashion decision you are making right there.  No one is really outside the circle of fashion.
It really frustrates to hear people say I'm don't believe in looks and more so when the person saying this is wearing a pink lipstick. Pink lipstick is just a symbol.  But each and everyone of us stand in front of mirror for at least five minutes,  take time to choose our clothes at the shop to buy. We are all like the girl wearing a pink lipstick.
Let's not be hypocrites.  Let's just accept the truth and move on instead of finding one more reason to brand and label people.

The Unconditional Love For Life

Life is such an irony.  If we think,  realise and understand the truth of it,  then we would live Life, but would never be able to enjoy it.  But if we stay oblivious to that, we would enjoy life without even living it.

We are all born not to just sustain, but to Live,  enjoy the materialistic objects that the world has to offer,  which is happiness to some.  Happiness is a function of various things to different people. But at the end, we start chasing them.  But that's a never ending pursue.  From where we stand, we see happiness far away and start running towards it. Everytime we get tired,  we lament happiness is not attainable to us. We cry that we are destined to remain sad and unsatisfied.
The other group, that rejects the idea of "living", they say they are going to find inner peace and denounce materialistic life.  They merely sustain until death spares them.  They  never have a reason to cry or be angry, since they have closed their eyes to the world around them.
We try so hard to live life to find happiness,  and the other group doesn't participate in what is called "Life" .

At the end either happiness is a never ending pursue or an illusion. And that's because we all think happiness as a destination to be reached and that the sole purpose of life is to find happiness.
But just like how we need different tastes in our food,  we need to be sad,  angry, hurt,  let down,  lonely,  happy,  successful, loved, and calm.  Its all this that makes Life.  Its all the tears we shed that make our smiles more valuable.  Happiness is not the potion.  It's an ingredient. 
We don't have to treat life like it's and any kind of race.  By running after something, we will only let life run past us.  What we miss is just not happiness, but Life itself. 
Let's treasure not, just those happy memories,  but also those that made us cry,  because then we would know we had lived life.  Instead of denouncing everything to find peace,  let's embrace them,  both good and bad, then there would be no reason to be disturbed.

Let's accept both the night and day and Let us love our lives unconditionally

Disclaimer

I was brainstorming with my friends for a promo video for my startup.  We were discussing many concepts and me being the fighter that Iam,  wanted to incorporate some issue also into the video.  They too liked it,  but they also gave a very valid point.  They said we could do a series of videos,  and one of those could talk about some issue,  so viewers do not label me as someone who will only talk about issues.  Ironically,  the issue I wanted to use in our concept was labelling.
 
I've had many message me,  after reading my blogs and most of them seem to think I'm lamenting about my woes or I'm only talking of issues women face.  And many also construe me to be a man hater. 

People while  reading my article against labelling, label me! 

So to avoid any further confusion I want to make certain things clear.

1. Feminism doesn't mean man hating
2. I definitely don't hate men.  Trust me on this!
3. I use my experiences to make people aware of the atrocities happening  and to tell women,  these shouldn't stop us.  So please do not think I'm just lamenting.  Not my intent.
4. Women issues are not the only topics I write about.  I've also written about objectivism,  freedom,  hypocritism, etc.
5. And yeah,  I should tell this,  the fellow women I'm referring to are not just school kids.  Don't please assume so, since I'm sharing my experiences during school.  I really wish I didn't have to say this.
6. When I say women have to fight,  I don't mean fighting against men or to kill them in their sleep.  Women just have to fight against anyone, men and other women alike, who stop them from doing what they want to do.  As simple as that.

Setting Free

To let go of fears, one must let go of playing by others rules

My mom, with dad not around us, was filled with fear. With no other avenues to express them, I was used a scapegoat. I was hit and scolded a lot as a child and I do not blame her. If anything, I find them warranted,now that I understand the trauma she would have been through.  But that was when I really understood how dangerous fear can be to us and the people around us.
In my new school, when I did good in studies and won championships, I was immediately perceived as a threat and again, people around me looked for ways to put me down. That was when I realized fear could also kick in the evil in us.
I joined college with the hopes, that the people I would meet would be genuine. But unfortunately, once again, I met girls, who were looking for opportunities to demean me, who tried to isolate me. I sensed it was fear and insecurity.
The boys in my college, stopped me from donating blood, saying they don't accept HIV+ , they wrote on walls in the colleges about a non- existent sex video of mine and so much more. It was again the fear that there was a girl unaffected by everything they could do.

All these people, what they really feared was not me or anyone or anything else. They feared themselves. They were insecure about themselves.They chose to inflict pain on other to ease their fear. They looked for ways to make me break down, to deceive themselves into feeling secure.

This fear and insecurity is what led, men ages ago to come up  God's, myths, rules, etc. They feared nature, they started worshiping it since they hadn't found a way to control it then. They were afraid of women, and they found ways to control us. All the rules and regulations the society imposes on women, or anyone who is different and a winner, is because of their own mediocrity. Only if we women understand that the rules that define how we should act,  is nothing but a measure to keep us under their control, can we start defying those rules and only when no one gives a sh*t about such rules, will they cease to exist.

A Random Rant

I don't make friend's easily.  I don't really know how to maintain relationships.  I move on quick.  I don't call the very few people I love or even attend their calls.  I have my moments of weakness.  I give up many things I take up.  I have an inferiority complex and I constantly worry that Iam not smart enough.  I fight with no matter who, for what I believe in.  I don't like to be told how to make my personal choices.  I make mistakes and I believe in making mistakes.  I worry I'm  wasting time but not often do I act on it.  I hate a lot of people.  I don't belive in unconditional love. My beliefs usually contradict with the "society's".
I'm criticised and condemned by almost everyone for all that I'm. People judge me and label me.  My loved ones advice me to change.  My mom  prays that God "blesses" me with "good thoughts".  Friends have walked out of my life.  It's been a very long time since I've heard anything good told about me.

But I don't want to change.  Because,  it doesn't matter if others don't like me for what I'm. I should like myself for all the faults I have,  because even with all these faults I have not failed in life and that's a proof enough that, I deserve to be liked, atleast by me.

Embracing The Chaos

We are taught manners- how to eat,  talk,  sit, stand, walk and breathe.  We are taught how to dress.  We are governed by rules that regulates even the basic activities of life.  And all this is imposed on us from our childhood,  never giving us opportunity to explore ourselves and what we are made of.  We are given the answers to questions we don't know.  And worse yet,  we are given answers that someone else wrote.  We are taught to behave and then labelled as decent and civilised citizens. 
But whatever the society could teach or impose on us is not gonna change what we are made of deep down. With ideologies that are imposed and nameless feelings at our mind and heart conflicting with each other,  we just tread along, always feeling unsettled and confused. We tread along the paths that's already defined for us since its easier than figuring out the path for us, which requires acting against the prescribed norms of the society.
We might give someone a suit, call him learned and honest,  but we can never change what he really is inside. So who are we cheating here?
Can we really predict someone by the outfit,  the walk and the talk when he is acting the way he was taught?  Aren't we  just staging shows and voluntarily getting cheated?
If it is true,  that we have to accept everyone for what they are,  if the word individuality even has a meaning,  then shouldn't we let people be themselves and then weigh them based on how they behave? which would also be honest and truthful since the face we are seeing is not a facade!
Each person is born different,  everyone thinks different, everyone feels different. Chaos is the mother of nature,  chaos is the mother of the Earth.  Chaos is the norm of life and Chaos, is what defines the basic human nature. So, it is the Chaos, that we have to embrace. And any attempt to bring uniformity is just a futile attempt at staging a magic show, in which the magician doesn't just cheat the crowd but also himself!